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Nov. 13th, 2005
the old just keep getting older
Nov. 13th, 2005 06:28 amsaw my grandpa today.
it was hard not to cry in front of him. he just looks so much older than i want him to be. he looks like a weak, frail 85 year old. he is a weak, frail 85 year old.
i'm not grounded any more.
i told him i loved him and that he was my best friend, and my favorite person. most of the time he just laid there with his eyes shut or shutting. he was tired, and his poor old sweet eyes teared up and he told me he loved me with this pained, furrowed brow like 'o god i love you so much'.
it was so hard not to cry in front of him. i miss the young, healthy grandpa who was always tinkering with things, puttering around in the yard or on a ladder or with his power tools.
and i kept thinking, jesus christ, i just went through this in 2001 with my poor sweet old grandma. now i have to sit here and helplessly watch him helplessly die too, just like then.
a whole galaxy of pain, welling up inside of me. why are the young punished with the death and dyingness of the old? it's such an old game, an old tragedy; marked from the very dawn of time and life with saline and regret.
it was hard not to cry in front of him. he just looks so much older than i want him to be. he looks like a weak, frail 85 year old. he is a weak, frail 85 year old.
i'm not grounded any more.
i told him i loved him and that he was my best friend, and my favorite person. most of the time he just laid there with his eyes shut or shutting. he was tired, and his poor old sweet eyes teared up and he told me he loved me with this pained, furrowed brow like 'o god i love you so much'.
it was so hard not to cry in front of him. i miss the young, healthy grandpa who was always tinkering with things, puttering around in the yard or on a ladder or with his power tools.
and i kept thinking, jesus christ, i just went through this in 2001 with my poor sweet old grandma. now i have to sit here and helplessly watch him helplessly die too, just like then.
a whole galaxy of pain, welling up inside of me. why are the young punished with the death and dyingness of the old? it's such an old game, an old tragedy; marked from the very dawn of time and life with saline and regret.
