the ongoing drama
Aug. 17th, 2002 02:41 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
transmothrathis is my main outlet, so i'm going to talk. so...
i met this really cool chick some time ago. it was a total fluke... we both had a lot of the same interests. we IM on and off. she's a little on the young side, or else i'm a little on the old side. she lives in the next state (on the farthest border, no less). so we kept it pretty cool for a long time. in the last couple of months, we've started talking more and more. i've even called her twice now.
i don't know what happened. but a lot of things came out in the open; things that were out previously but mainly kinda glossed-over. somehow i found myself falling in love with her. okay, it wasn't hard: we have a zillion mutual interests and ideas and things that we are both passionate about, unlike the vast majority of my past failed relationships. and she's the sweetest person you could ever talk to. and she's got a face and body that just won't stop. so, yes, i fell in love. deeply. i'm such a sucker.
but i have this problem. she's got a boyfriend right now and they've been going out for months. it hasn't been too hard for me to wait in the wings until she becomes available... i mean, i can wait. no problem there. but the other day she was basically trying to hook up with this person on IM, and it occurred to me: she is not into monogamy. (i know it's a WILDLY unpopular idea these days, kids, but i don't care. i need and i want to be my lover's sole object of affection, just as i need and want my lover to be my sole object of affection. so there.)
so now i'm stuck. i'm totally head-over-heels for this wonderful girl, but i have to drop it. it's not going to work for me if i have to take a number. i don't want to compete with anybody else. i want to be and have a soul mate. i just don't want to share... i know i'd get jealous at some point.
i already am.
the one thing that kills me the most is that i've come this far (i'm 30) and have finally found someone i could really honestly and truly love and who actually seems really interested in me. someone i could live and die for, someone to give my very soul to. but then this comes up and i'm just crushed.
this would be SO much easier if she wasn't everything i could ever hope for. i was even considering a move to Chicago to be with her, pending how things went when i finally drove up to meet her face to face (a tentative goal i had for sometime when she'd be ready).
and now... now what?
i met this really cool chick some time ago. it was a total fluke... we both had a lot of the same interests. we IM on and off. she's a little on the young side, or else i'm a little on the old side. she lives in the next state (on the farthest border, no less). so we kept it pretty cool for a long time. in the last couple of months, we've started talking more and more. i've even called her twice now.
i don't know what happened. but a lot of things came out in the open; things that were out previously but mainly kinda glossed-over. somehow i found myself falling in love with her. okay, it wasn't hard: we have a zillion mutual interests and ideas and things that we are both passionate about, unlike the vast majority of my past failed relationships. and she's the sweetest person you could ever talk to. and she's got a face and body that just won't stop. so, yes, i fell in love. deeply. i'm such a sucker.
but i have this problem. she's got a boyfriend right now and they've been going out for months. it hasn't been too hard for me to wait in the wings until she becomes available... i mean, i can wait. no problem there. but the other day she was basically trying to hook up with this person on IM, and it occurred to me: she is not into monogamy. (i know it's a WILDLY unpopular idea these days, kids, but i don't care. i need and i want to be my lover's sole object of affection, just as i need and want my lover to be my sole object of affection. so there.)
so now i'm stuck. i'm totally head-over-heels for this wonderful girl, but i have to drop it. it's not going to work for me if i have to take a number. i don't want to compete with anybody else. i want to be and have a soul mate. i just don't want to share... i know i'd get jealous at some point.
i already am.
the one thing that kills me the most is that i've come this far (i'm 30) and have finally found someone i could really honestly and truly love and who actually seems really interested in me. someone i could live and die for, someone to give my very soul to. but then this comes up and i'm just crushed.
this would be SO much easier if she wasn't everything i could ever hope for. i was even considering a move to Chicago to be with her, pending how things went when i finally drove up to meet her face to face (a tentative goal i had for sometime when she'd be ready).
and now... now what?
