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misery is the river of the world
Nov. 3rd, 2002 01:22 amso my friend Tony comes over tonight. he's half lit and ends up drinking 2 forties of King Cobra and my grandfather makes him a sandwich and he ate a piece of my birthday cake, which was good because he needed all this on account of his fiancee trying to cut her wrists open today and is in the hospital and he hadn't eaten a morsel, poor old sap. we were going to go to this biker bar and do our best to either get into or stay out of a fight, we never know what we really want, we're just crazed and liquored and need to feel alive; but that plan got waylaid, probably for the better. lots of talking and laughing over freaky things as is usual whenever he and i get together.
thing is, his girlfriend is this poor sweet crazy girl who really is nice but has some serious brain problems, and not all of them mental. see, she's been on happy pills for awhile already, but last year she had an anyeurism (me standing by her bed in the hospital feeling pathetic and looking at her as if a priest come to stare at the afflicted while thinking holy thoughts, after not knowing that she didn't want me to be in her room in the first place, her family thinking i was a closer friend than in reality, a shame) and when the surgeons put the metal coil in to open up the vessel is broke off and now she'll never be better. she has no short-term memory, poor thing, and has other problems related to functioning.
and poor Tony, he's got to go through all of this, is invested in something... in a ship that has nowhere to land but the bottom of the sea. i hate like hell that i had to write that last bit. that girl, she's such a good person and means well and is really bright and talented... but what now? a whole lifetime ahead of suffering, endless suffering. Tony doesn't need that, but what can he do, leave the poor girl when she needs him desperately? no. no... but what can happen here? i see danger ahead, a grave, terrible danger, and it will not be avoidable unless somehow the doctors can manage to save her sweet head.
so that's Life, kiddo. just got out of high school, lookin' for a job? prepare yourself for things far worse than whoring yourself for the rent. make sure you're ready for things much more dramatic and traumatic than simply selling all your furniture and giving the baby up for adoption and bending over for the Boss and trying to evade the authorities on those occasions when you thought you saw a good chance to get a little extra blanket for your cold, tired frame but ended up instead with a sock drawer full of contraband and some weird-looking legal documents in your ever-growing portfolio of blues. there are monsters out there waiting to pounce, waiting for their next meal, and you've got the word "buffet" tattooed on your forehead, no wiping that off with tears and sweat, that's for sure.
it could be a seriously hardcore meth or heroin addiction (there are no small addictions, not in that vein anyway), it could be a horrifying, mangling automobile collision, it could be several years of prison rape or coming home from work to find your lover screwing your little girl or boy, it could be the house burning down the day your insurance lapses, leaving you homeless and destitute, well over a hundred thousand bucks still owed to the bank regardless, it could be a plane crash, could be some serious death creepin around that corner, spyin you out of its one lonely unfeeling eye like a slab of meat on a tray at the deli. it could be a combination of any or all of these thing, or it coud be far worse. it could be unthinkable. so prepare yourselves, children, for this world is not just any old veil of illusion; behind the mask of this maya lies unspeakable horrors, suffering for everyone, and plenty to go around. and if you see that someone else is doing well, well that's just more death and punishment for you or someone else, because like matter and energy, pain does not get created spontaneously, and it sure as hell can't be destroyed. even after its shaken the last bit of life out of you, it will just move on, always moving, always searching for its next meal.
so prepare yourselves. when it comes, and chances are "good" that it will, the best you can hope for is that it may take pity and be merciful in some tiny way; but it will bite, and it will leave its mark on you forever. best not to even try to shake it off, once its got you in its grip. avoidance is the ONLY strategy.
above all, and because we are all destined for terror and madness and pain and death... smile. make the moments you have to be free the best moments any living creature could ever possibly have. give to others. laugh out loud, and often. LIVE.
thing is, his girlfriend is this poor sweet crazy girl who really is nice but has some serious brain problems, and not all of them mental. see, she's been on happy pills for awhile already, but last year she had an anyeurism (me standing by her bed in the hospital feeling pathetic and looking at her as if a priest come to stare at the afflicted while thinking holy thoughts, after not knowing that she didn't want me to be in her room in the first place, her family thinking i was a closer friend than in reality, a shame) and when the surgeons put the metal coil in to open up the vessel is broke off and now she'll never be better. she has no short-term memory, poor thing, and has other problems related to functioning.
and poor Tony, he's got to go through all of this, is invested in something... in a ship that has nowhere to land but the bottom of the sea. i hate like hell that i had to write that last bit. that girl, she's such a good person and means well and is really bright and talented... but what now? a whole lifetime ahead of suffering, endless suffering. Tony doesn't need that, but what can he do, leave the poor girl when she needs him desperately? no. no... but what can happen here? i see danger ahead, a grave, terrible danger, and it will not be avoidable unless somehow the doctors can manage to save her sweet head.
so that's Life, kiddo. just got out of high school, lookin' for a job? prepare yourself for things far worse than whoring yourself for the rent. make sure you're ready for things much more dramatic and traumatic than simply selling all your furniture and giving the baby up for adoption and bending over for the Boss and trying to evade the authorities on those occasions when you thought you saw a good chance to get a little extra blanket for your cold, tired frame but ended up instead with a sock drawer full of contraband and some weird-looking legal documents in your ever-growing portfolio of blues. there are monsters out there waiting to pounce, waiting for their next meal, and you've got the word "buffet" tattooed on your forehead, no wiping that off with tears and sweat, that's for sure.
it could be a seriously hardcore meth or heroin addiction (there are no small addictions, not in that vein anyway), it could be a horrifying, mangling automobile collision, it could be several years of prison rape or coming home from work to find your lover screwing your little girl or boy, it could be the house burning down the day your insurance lapses, leaving you homeless and destitute, well over a hundred thousand bucks still owed to the bank regardless, it could be a plane crash, could be some serious death creepin around that corner, spyin you out of its one lonely unfeeling eye like a slab of meat on a tray at the deli. it could be a combination of any or all of these thing, or it coud be far worse. it could be unthinkable. so prepare yourselves, children, for this world is not just any old veil of illusion; behind the mask of this maya lies unspeakable horrors, suffering for everyone, and plenty to go around. and if you see that someone else is doing well, well that's just more death and punishment for you or someone else, because like matter and energy, pain does not get created spontaneously, and it sure as hell can't be destroyed. even after its shaken the last bit of life out of you, it will just move on, always moving, always searching for its next meal.
so prepare yourselves. when it comes, and chances are "good" that it will, the best you can hope for is that it may take pity and be merciful in some tiny way; but it will bite, and it will leave its mark on you forever. best not to even try to shake it off, once its got you in its grip. avoidance is the ONLY strategy.
above all, and because we are all destined for terror and madness and pain and death... smile. make the moments you have to be free the best moments any living creature could ever possibly have. give to others. laugh out loud, and often. LIVE.
