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Sep. 24th, 2002 04:27 pmbeen absent.
went to St. Louis this past week. spent every minute with Ria for two days seeing the whole city (wow!), then spent the next two days hardly ever leaving the hotel room. she kinda pissed me off saturday, but whatever. didn't really get to actually experience anything, except for Union Station and several bars. picked up some apartment guides. i need to move from this place, and am definitely considering STL, although traffic is a nightmare (no shit-- Ria drives like freakin' Neil Cassady!) and crime sucks. i totally did not see my ol' SMM pal Kristen... sent her an e-mail and did get a vague reply, but have yet to hear back from her again. so no plans ever got made to meet up. oh well.
been offline a lot lately. last night i went online for the first time in weeks (okay, second; first time visible), and guess who's still out there? yup, got an IM from the inhuman Reptile Girl. you know, the one who kicked me when i was down? that one. i asked her why she never even bothered to apologize for fucking me over, and she gave me some really lame excuse, like it's too embarrassing or something like that. meh, whatever. hard to know what the final tally on the sheer number of regrets for that one is. but i won't list them here, or even contemplate them. what's done is done; and nothing can make things right, alleviate the hard feelings, or make me feel any better, or worse, about it. a sad, empty chapter in my life... thank god/dess (hail Eris, indeed!) it's finally over. i can't imagine how much worse it could have gotten, but i'm pretty sure she had no limit on the depth of sheer cruelty. a mean streak like that could have serious opportunities.
not to go on and on about it, but... i've since analysed her and come up with some pretty interesting conclusions. the one that kills me is how she has this amazing talent for bad breakups, which i believe corresponds to her unwillingness to give much of herself emotionally and her general misgivings about committing. pure Pavlov. weird.
okay, done with all that. :D i rock + she fucked up and missed out!
started writing a book, although i need to resketch it a bit, since it's painfully obvious that unless i do something, i'm going to end up with a thinly veiled clone of Kerouac's The Subterraneans. for anyone who's ever read that one, you'll know what i'm writing about, and why.
speaking of books, i finally read Oscar Wilde's The Picture of Dorian Gray. great read.
so... bad things going out, and good things (will explain some other time)coming in. let's see what happens in the coming weeks....
went to St. Louis this past week. spent every minute with Ria for two days seeing the whole city (wow!), then spent the next two days hardly ever leaving the hotel room. she kinda pissed me off saturday, but whatever. didn't really get to actually experience anything, except for Union Station and several bars. picked up some apartment guides. i need to move from this place, and am definitely considering STL, although traffic is a nightmare (no shit-- Ria drives like freakin' Neil Cassady!) and crime sucks. i totally did not see my ol' SMM pal Kristen... sent her an e-mail and did get a vague reply, but have yet to hear back from her again. so no plans ever got made to meet up. oh well.
been offline a lot lately. last night i went online for the first time in weeks (okay, second; first time visible), and guess who's still out there? yup, got an IM from the inhuman Reptile Girl. you know, the one who kicked me when i was down? that one. i asked her why she never even bothered to apologize for fucking me over, and she gave me some really lame excuse, like it's too embarrassing or something like that. meh, whatever. hard to know what the final tally on the sheer number of regrets for that one is. but i won't list them here, or even contemplate them. what's done is done; and nothing can make things right, alleviate the hard feelings, or make me feel any better, or worse, about it. a sad, empty chapter in my life... thank god/dess (hail Eris, indeed!) it's finally over. i can't imagine how much worse it could have gotten, but i'm pretty sure she had no limit on the depth of sheer cruelty. a mean streak like that could have serious opportunities.
not to go on and on about it, but... i've since analysed her and come up with some pretty interesting conclusions. the one that kills me is how she has this amazing talent for bad breakups, which i believe corresponds to her unwillingness to give much of herself emotionally and her general misgivings about committing. pure Pavlov. weird.
okay, done with all that. :D i rock + she fucked up and missed out!
started writing a book, although i need to resketch it a bit, since it's painfully obvious that unless i do something, i'm going to end up with a thinly veiled clone of Kerouac's The Subterraneans. for anyone who's ever read that one, you'll know what i'm writing about, and why.
speaking of books, i finally read Oscar Wilde's The Picture of Dorian Gray. great read.
so... bad things going out, and good things (will explain some other time)coming in. let's see what happens in the coming weeks....
