funny how these things happen...

a good talk last night with my... umfriend (thanks for the word X/L!)

...but i wish she would tell me when something's on her mind what it is, instead of worrying me. all i want is to be calmed, tho' i suppose it is selfish. but really, i just can't stand it when someone i care about is showing pain and i feel helpless. i can't even offer any meaningful words, because i have no idea what kind of personal trauma she may be going through. and it's none of my business, except that i care.

anyway, we talked about "us" and stuff, which of course was subtly traumatic, considering there is nowhere to go and no way to get there. she lives in the next state over, but i'm talking more metaphorically... apparently she's soon going to tell her b/f about us (yes, it's that complicated), but i understand there's a good chance that it'll be okay, 'coz i guess they're pretty cool about stuff, which is nice. i feel bad for him of course, but mostly i just worry that i may be messing something up for her. the whole thing really kinda plays a little (ok, a lot) like my relationship with my friend Cat in that regard.

funny thing is, the other day we more or less agreed to keep things a little cooler than they had been, but suddenly we find ourselves with lots of free, free time at night and with a pair of webcams. so things have actually notched up pretty dramatically. in fact, exponentially. no, i swear to fuck we're not cybering or stripping or anything like that! it's just that... i dunno, the connection, the human connection... suddenly it's not so much another set of fingers out there in cyberspace, but a whole human body, complete with a real-life setting in the background. and expressions... all sorts of expressions... not just silly emoticons... real, live wonderful smiles, made entirely out of meat and bone and sinew. hardly any silicon now, except for the circuits our words and images navigate thru, which i guess is really the same amount, right down to the last atom, but feels a lot more soft and tangible now... warm... things are getting a lot more REAL, even if there still is little chance of any non-virtual romance.

i wonder what the future holds in store for us.

& for us all....

(no subject)

i was sitting in my royal excremeditation chamber when it dawned on me that the reason i've been in so fell a mood is because i have been reading Hakim Bey. nothing against the guy (except that he's a real pederast), but he tends to make a person feel pretty pessimistic, cynical, and even nihilistic. makes me feel like the whole world has anonymously betrayed me.

so i'm putting T.A.Z. down for a little while. it's not like i learned a whole lot that i hadn't already known, or at the least learnt about via my associations with various Underground Illumination Agents*.



*tell no one you saw this phrase. you know nothing. the number twenty-three doesn't mean anything to you, nor will you begin to notice an abundance of iterations of that number in the "world" around "you".
neither will you ever notice the fnords.

(no subject)

just completed the first mix tape i've done in YEARS... aside from the crappy audio (my sony rack system's in storage, but one 'in' jack was busted on the tape deck anyhow), and the fairly sappy (yet excellent) assortment i've masterfully chosen, it came out PERFECT. i am the Lord of Timing... zero seconds left on both sides, without a single razor edit! oh yeah...

now if i can just find out who did that old song on the Blade Runner sdtrk for the label....

antacid for your oblongata

there is nothing in this world more disgusting and inevitable than suddenly realizing that you have lost track of the fly you had been fighting off moments before when you were making what you had until very recently considered a delicious peanut butter sandwich.

holy shit!!

http://www.nottingham.ac.uk/~ulzkls/Advertisement.htm

subtle AND over-the-top, all at once... just keep looking until you get it. takes no more than ten seconds to dawn on you how freakin' hilarious it is. be CERTAIN that you read the preface at the top first.

(no subject)

wow, just met the coolest chick canvassing for http://ohiocitizen.org/ ...a beautiful smelly hippie girl in a bandana, with lovely brown skin and dark eyes; gave her $5. made some small talk. let her use the wc.

mmm canvas.

maybe i should go for a walk.

(no subject)

c'mon, somebody donate one of these to me... you could all pool yr resources, couldn' ya? i've been having so many really GREAT musical ideas running through my head lately, but nothing to put 'em on.